34 truths I learned living in a monastery for 6 weeks
It’s October 2nd 2017. I am sitting in hermitage, completely silent and alone for 12 hours. It’s my second to last day in the Monastery of the Holy Spirit. Here are my 34 reflections on what I learned and realized during my 6 week time here:
Breath is sacred and essential in communing with God. It is the door to the house of answers for everything.
Maintaining groundedness and peace. Consistently steady with limited extremes or reactions. Having an incomprehensible okayness with reality.
Grieving the loss of my father physically, and celebrating his current presence, spiritually.
Letting only God define me and not others, not even myself.
Discipline and self-control. Saying little, hard ‘yeses’ to see my values grow and making healthy habits that make the best ‘me’.
Leaving more room and taking more time to do things in my schedule. This gives me and the person I am with, full presence and value. It allows me to enjoy and not accomplish an agenda. Not miss what’s here and now.
Reverence for God and for others. Holding an aboveness and honor for the Greater. A holy heavyweight in perspective.
Childlikeness. Innocence, simplicity, trust. Identity from God, joy in life, awe and wonder in the unseen and overlooked. Receiving the Spirit and open to learn and be led.
Patience. In conversations and situations with myself and others. Thinking more before speaking and staying present longer. Living in tension. Seeing the value in the process and honoring it. Letting go of my expectations and being earthed in reality.
Putting others first and considering them greater. Serving more. Giving over receiving. Being considerate of others’ time, values and personhood. Letting go of my need to accomplish my schedule and desires. Always thinking of others first.
Loving myself, in my totality. False self and true self. Humanity in All. Every part, uniquely formed, fully understood and always accepted. Enjoying who I am and owning it fully. Taking time in self-care to remember that. Daily letting God show me that and letting it be my ultimate reality and perspective.
Not being ruled by present emotions. Remembering the deepest truth of who I am and who God is. Stopping to re-ground myself in that. Dealing with the current emotion in the moment, responding not reacting.
Rest, true rest. This is always more true internally than externally. Abiding in the moment, relaxing. Taking time to just be. Breathing is my enoughness. Not thinking or focusing on anything. Just enjoying the moments, carefree, fully myself.
Be less opinionated about myself, others and topics in life. Focus more on the simple truths.
Thankfulness. Realizing what God has done, is doing, and will do. Gratitude in realizing who He is and His working in my life. Stopping to remember that.
Seeing free time as an opportunity and a blessing. I am not what I do. My value comes from being. It’s just more time to rest in God and learn about myself and who He is. There’s nothing more important.
Finding it’s more internal than external. Shifting from looking out to looking in. Letting that reality be how I live and what I focus on.
Clear communication. Taking time to think through things and consider how the other person could interpret or best understand.
Initiating only when I make time and space. Not asking unless I can give that. Realizing the full and whole level of commitment to things and people. Not saying yes as much as I say no. Not rushing into things and overcommitting. Feeling the weight of investment.
Finishing. Completing what I start. Following through. Having discipline, value, space to do every step in the process. Letting it all be out of my values. Not rushing or overcommitting. Slow and steady. Being reliable and trustworthy.
Breaking my addiction to attention, being seen and being heard. With my phone, internet, social life, knowing they won't rule my life and limiting them for my own good. In silent solitude, realize that I am fully seen and heard. Keeping focus on what really matters in life. Reality is God and His love, not all that. Decrease distractions, stay focused on the present.
Love for scripture. Seeing it as a daily tool to know God and lead me deeper into who He is and who I am. Experiential more than educational. Essential for life in God.
Appreciating close friends and family. Making them a priority and saying yes over and over by seeing that value. Gratefulness for those people. Knowing they are worth saying no to potential new people and opportunities. Fighting familiarity and committing to being seen, vulnerable and serving them.
Redirect don’t suppress. Don’t control, shame, or overthink thoughts and feelings. Simple welcome it all then properly place it. Letting it flow and pass through. Like wind directing clouds in the sky and light shining through them to show impermanence.
No fear in a romantic relationship. God is with me, fully understands me, and won’t leave me. I can’t be wrong and I can believe I won’t be rejected. My love won’t fade by committing to seeing, internally and holistically, that I’m being led by the unexplained grace and there’s connection at a deeper level than explaining and understanding it all.
A theological shift. We are all made in God’s image. He’s better than I think and love is in, through and belonging in all things. The children’s book, Good Goats, healed me.
Accepting my humanity. Things take time and aren’t instantly right. Fully embracing my false self and the process. Giving myself grace in every moment and remembering God is ok with where I’m at and loves it all fully. Embracing my limits and sins while also rejoicing in the life I’ve been given and seeing Him in all of who I am.
Listening over speaking. Asking more than telling. Only thinking about the present moment and that as the most important and only thing in the world. Not interrupting or rushing. Giving time to fully value and embrace the other person and what they’re saying. Same with God in just listening. Really understanding what’s being communicated and experienced.
Letting life be my biggest teacher. Using my experiences and how I live to grow in who I am. Not overlooking myself and depending on others to teach me.
Meditation. Taking time to sit with myself in God, daily.
Silence, solitude and seeing the unseen. All of God is here. These are the things I’ve learned and realized most. They are most important and vital to my life with God. It’s how I see and understand everything.
Keeping it simple. Not doing or saying too much or overcommitting.
Repetition for growth. Over and over again saying yes and doing what is best for who I am. Doing less, but doing more of the less.
Here not later. Present not future. Reality not fantasy. Not letting opportunity or possibilities control me. Staying in the now and trusting God is directing the rest. Centering myself in what is, not what could be or what isn’t.
Final thoughts
I came in to this month warning to escape. I was afraid and unaware. I was wishy washy in reaction. Not stable or grounded. My priorities and values were upside down. I didn’t know love for myself or God. I didn’t want to deal with pain and suffering. I only saw ‘me’, what I wanted, and what felt good. Now, I’m here. I’m grounded in Him.
Everything and everyone belongs. Less answers but more peace. More focus on less things. Loving who I am and who God is; not because of what is seen or understood but because of the mystery and subconscious knowing. I’ve slowed down. I’m taking care of myself. I’m embracing pain and my humanity. I’m letting the silent presence of God be the loudest thing in my life and all my attention. I’m aware of myself and how I live life. I am enough.
My life is enough and He is enough. I’ve reset my priorities to do and be with people and things that matter most. It’s all a tension. I find God in everything. I’m slowing down and staying long enough to see. I’m not scared of abandonment, rejection, not being seen or heard. I am loved and accepted as I am.
This safe haven of Presence has changed my life. Who knew doing the most simple, stripped down thing would be the most life changing? Breathing, silence, solitude, rest and repetition. Less is more. I thank God for this time. Part of me wonders if I’ll go back to who I was.
All of me knows I can’t. I’m too changed. I just don’t want to lose or forget anything. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay focused. It’ll be hard to explain and be understood in this experience. I’ll grieve this place and my time here. It’s a whole new world.
I want to implement my rhythms and practices here into my life. It’ll take time to readjust. Things won’t be the same. I’m not the same. It’s all fully pleased, accepted and loved by God. This was a divine, life-changing, altering experience that I will never forget. Thank you, God.
